For ten glorious minutes, I was soaring.
Both kids came home from summer camp with glowing progress reports. We’re talking “model student,” “natural leader,” “great attitude”, “natural affinity for science?!” energy. I was mentally printing the bumper stickers and drafting their triumphant college essays about their academic prowess.
And then… the teacher lists for next year came out.
Reader, I was not prepared.
Suddenly, my kitchen transformed into a scene from a soap opera meets WWE SmackDown. There were actual tears. Clay pots were broken. Words were shouted that I’m pretty sure I’ve only heard in overdramatized medieval plays. One child locked herself in a closet with a flashlight and a clipboard to “reconsider her childhood.” The other launched a full-blown pillow protest in the living room and demanded I write a letter to the principal and the school board. She then demanded a manager.
In case you’re wondering, no one in her life has ever demanded a manager.
And yes — there was blood. (Don’t worry, it was minor. Dramatic, but minor.)
Apparently, both girls have opinions about who should be shaping their educational futures, and those opinions were… not aligned with reality. Or the school district. Or each other. Honestly, it was like watching a high-stakes political debate with glitter glue and sweet potato fries.
The dog hid under the couch. I thought about joining her.
It’s humbling, really. One minute you’re high-fiving the summer school staff, patting yourself on the back for raising two shining beacons of scholastic success. The next, you’re Googling “can a second grader start a petition?” while gently scraping clay off your walls and questioning all your life choices.
Anyway. The girls are now in post-meltdown recovery, the living room looks like a set from Survivor: Suburban Edition, and I’m nursing a mild headache and a deep craving for chocolate.
But hey – the progress reports still count, right? “Gabby is a key participant in class” and “Charley has a strong affinity for education and science”.
Right??
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